Hey all..

Wow today I feel so...so offf...no mood to do anything...but I manage to focus on God when we were leading worship..then after that..I'm so off..no mood to do anything at all...played games...the feeling of being left out is there...the jealousy of people is also that...


I just realise that I dun really have any peers there at all...I have peers outside from other places..But we don't usually meet...haiz...I hate myself so much...I hate my weakness and everything..I just hate it!!! Even my talents everything...I always promise myself I will live my life to the fullest..But what's going on in my life? Shits..overwhelming emotions..Life is so selfish I always care for others and what does people do? Take advantage of me and everything..Use me for their own needs and I just put a smile on my face all the time to cover up all my hurts..Kinda tough to do all that really...I just pretend that nothing happen and just get hurt from the inside.. Having a heart to forgive them is there..But what about myself? people just blame me for the small little things that I have done and remembers it and use it against me...I'm all alone in this dark and super scary place with no one there to light it up for me..Even if there's light, its dim can't even last for 2 days? I don't know...No one wants to be my friend..No one is willing to listen to all problems...No one..I really cannot stand it...So what if people forgives me..So what if there is someone is willing to listen to me..I'm sure they will use that information against me..

Whenever I'm out of my comfort zone, there will be someone that will push me in..I really cannot take it anymore...I really want to end my life...Giving up all my dreams, my hopes and everything I have...I really cannot take it anymore...there's a phrase that says be careful what you wish for, or you might just get it..Well here I am wishing for this..God please take me away I don't want anymore of this...its really too much...My heart...is being Perice through by an arrow or worst by a sword...I really had enough already..please...no more...I cannot take it anymore...

ok i have to go already...I will update my blog again sooon...cya